HELPS: PART 25

 CHRONICLES OF THE HELPS

CHAPTER 25

Lianater and Ike lay in bed. The couple was intent on sleeping in that Saturday. They planned to have breakfast in bed, and may play with their kids by lunch time. Or preferably take them out. It had been a very long and busy week for the couple.

The knocks on the door made Ike groan. “Who is that? Who has decided to disturb my peace?”

The door made a squeak sound as it slid open, revealing a fair round face. “It is your Princess, Adanne.”

Lianater couldn’t hold the laughter that exploded from her throat. She turned on her side, watching the girl at the door.

“I want to sleep, Ada. Go and play with your sister,” he pulled a blanket over his head.

Ada sauntered into the room. “I will leave one you have answered my question.”

Her mother rolled her eyes. She suspected the girl might bombard them with thousands of questions that morning. Sometimes she wondered how the little girl’s brain worked.

“One question, Ada. And no more.”

She climbed the bed and sat right in the middle. “Yes, daddy. It is just one question this time around.”

Ike peeped through the blanket. “I am listening.”

The girl cleared her throat. Lianater started to laugh again. Her husband eyed her, then direction his attention back to his first daughter.

“Are boys’ wee-wee different from girls’ wee-wee?”

“Wee-wee?” he glanced at his wife. His gaze seemed to say ‘Help me out here’

Lianater smiled at Ada. “Yes, it is different,” then made a hand-sign, so her husband could understand what the girl was asking.

“Oh! Oh… I get it now,” he released the blanket and sat up straight. “Your brothers have the same wee-wee, while you, Ify and mummy has the same wee-wee.”  
Ada fell silent for a millisecond. “Okay. Then why does Aunty Hauwa have a boy’s wee-wee?”

Ike chuckled. “That’s impossible.”

Ada frowned. “It isn’t. I saw her. She doesn’t have a girl’s wee-wee.”

The couple stared at each other, alarmed.

Lianater cleared her throat. “Erm… when and how did you discover this?”

She looked up at her mother, “Yesterday. I was in her room when she came out of the bathroom. She chased me out.”

His brows came together in an angry frown. “What else happened?”

Ada shook her head. “I ran out when she threw something at me.”

He sighed in relief and turned to see the fear in his wife’s eyes. If what Ada had seen was indeed true, then they might have employed a male help who disguised as a female!

“Make sure that she-he doesn’t leave this house. I am going to Mr. Kola’s place,” he flew out of bed, changed into a jean and a tee-shirt and dashed out.

xxxxxx

Hauwa followed her employer outside the building. Her husband and their neighbour were seated on the front porch, eating from a bowl of boiled corn.

“Good afternoon, sir,” she greeted Mr. Kola.

The man eyed her and poked Ike. “Even the voice sounds strange.”

“That was what we thought at first, but we assumed that she probably has a masculine voice.”

Mr. Kola nodded. “Some women do.”

“Exactly.”

The maid stood there watching them. Did they want to send her out on an errand? She hoped it was somewhere close by. She had a lot of chores to do that weekend. She didn’t have the time to chat while time flies.
“What is your real name?” Mr. Kola’s stern gaze bored into her confused stare.

She blinked twice and stuttered. “My… my… my name is Hauwa.”

Both men chuckled. The maid threw a glance at Lianater. The woman stood at the door; her face was expressionless.

“Okay, okay, fine. Hauwa, are you a man or a woman?”

She stared back at Mr. Kola. Was the man having mental issues? 

“I asked you a question,” his tone increased a notch.

Hauwa looked from her employer to her husband, then back at the angry neighbour. “I am confused, sir.”

Mr. Kola slapped his friend on the shoulder, “She is confused,” then he started to laugh in a mocking way.

Ike dropped the corn he was eating into the empty bowl and eyed the maid. “Please answer the question.”

Was her employer’s husband having mental issues too? Hauwa cleared her throat. “I am a lady, sir.”

“Are you? Really?” his gaze swept over her from head to feet.

She turned to Lianater. “Have I done anything wrong, ma?”

The woman ignored her and folded her arms across her bosom.

“Hauwa!”

The girl stared hard at the neighbour. He was beginning to piss her off. He wasn’t her employer. He had no right to speak to her in such a manner.

“If we decide to strip every item of clothing on you right now, what are we going to find?”

Her heart missed a beat. “Why?” she took several steps backward. “What did I do?” she looked him up and down like he was some kind of monstrous insect. “Why will you want to strip me when I am not a thief?” her eyes darted left, then right, obviously seeking out an escape route.

Ike and Mr. Kola got up.

“You might not have stolen anything in this house, but we need to ascertain if you are truly male or female,” Lianater spoke for the first time.

Her jaw dropped, as she stared at her boss. “Erm… erm… ma, I am a lady.” 

“Are you?” her gaze pinned the girl to a spot. 

“Ye… yes, ma.”

“Then, let’s prove it.”

The maid bolted.

“Samson! Samson lock that gate!” Ike yelled at the security guard.

The guard left his post and manned the gate, ready to catch the fleeing culprit.

CHRONICLES OF THE HELPS 24

 

CHRONICLES OF THE HELPS 24

Lianater returned home to meet her children sleeping in the sitting room, while the television was on. Why did the new help allow them to sleep in here? He should have ushered them to their rooms once he noticed that they were dozing.

“Boma!”

No response. Where was he? She stood in the middle of the room, her brown office bag was still strapped to her aching shoulder. The children began to stir, probably because of the noise.

“Boma!” 

She marched out of the room, searching for the new help. The sight in the kitchen caught her off guard. The sink was filled with dirty dishes and the gas cooker looked bare. Her frown deepened. She assumed he would have started supper by now.

“Boma!”

Silence. Where was he? Something caught her attention. From the corner of her eyes, she saw a thin line of soapy water flowing towards the kitchen doorway. What was that? Where was it coming from? 

Lianater traced the source of the water and found a leaky washing machine. Her legs weakened. Who did she offend? Why does she keep having problems with domestic helps?

“Boma!” Her sad eyes darted left, then right. She reached in her bag for her smartphone and quickly dialed a number. It rang and rang, but no one picked the call. Why wasn't he answering his phone? Did he go out?

“Mummy is back!”

She heard the twins voices. The boys came running out of the sitting room. Ada and Ify included.

Lianater feigned a smile. “Hello my darlings.”

“Mummy…” Ify tugged at the hem of her mother's skirt.

She picked up the two year old. 

“Mummy I am hungry,” Ada pulled at her mother's handbag.

“Me too,” the twins chorused.

The tired woman groaned inwardly. “Let me fix us a snack, then I will get dinner started.”

The children followed her into the kitchen.

She placed Ify on a high stool. “Nonso bring out the sliced bread from the refrigerator. Dozie get the butter and eggs.”

Ada climbed a stool next to her sister. “Are we making toast?” She eyed the toaster.

Lianater glanced at the girl. “Yes.”

The twins exchanged glances. “Fireworks!” Then they giggled.

The woman stared at them, lost.

“Yes! Fireworks!” Ada clapped her hands excitedly.

Even little Ify started to laugh.

“Fireworks? Where?”

The children pointed at the toaster and the microwave.

Her heartbeat accelerated. She took a deep breath, then examined both appliances and discovered that they were not working. Then it dawned on her that the new help might have fled after discovering that he had destroyed three appliances! 

XXXXXX 

“I want everything he spoilt replaced immediately!” Her furious stare held the older woman's pleading gaze.

Mrs. Shalewa adjusted her sitting posture and placed both hands on the mahogany table. “We will do everything we can to find him and make sure he replaces your kitchen appliances and the washing machine.”

Lianater eyed her. “How long will that take? I don't trust you people.”

The woman swallowed hard. “Be rest assured that we are on his trail.”

She hissed again and again. “I thought you people are professionals. Why can't you vet your helps effectively?”

The woman cleared her throat, dark eyes flickered to the opened doorway, then back at her angry client.

“I might as well elsewhere…”

“Mrs. Briggs, it hasn't gotten to that. And for the time being, we have a fine replacement…” She got up, headed out and returned with a tall, dark skinny girl.

Lianater stood where she was, scanning the girl from cropped hair to shoes, or rather, Dunlop bathroom slippers.

“This is Hauwa Aliu, she is eighteen and very hardworking,” Mrs. Shalewa smiled graciously, hoping to be able to convince the younger woman.

“Replacement?” Her gaze narrowed. 

“Yes, yes… Hauwa has been in our service for many years. She does everything.”

Lianater looked straight at the girl. After Mmesoma’s saga, she wasn't ready to accommodate any female stranger in her home. Maybe in the near future, but not now. “Can you resumed at six and close at seven?

“Yes, ma,” she sounded like she was talking through her nose. “I have a cousin who lives a bus away from your estate.”

“Okay…” Why does the girl sound weird? Like her throat was patched or something? 

She turned back to the older woman, “Mrs. Sha…”

“She does everything, Mrs. Briggs,” she said quickly, before the woman added more complaints. 

Lianater swallowed the rest of her dissatisfaction. The truth was that she needed a new help. Boma fled more than a week ago and no-one has been able to find him.

XXXXXX 

“Give me the remote!”

“No! It is my turn!”

“No, it isn't!”

“Yes! It is!”

The twins kept screaming at each other, while Ify started to sob.

Ada went in search of their new help. She wanted to watch her favourite program, but her brothers were fighting again. She ran to the kitchen, but it was empty. She headed for the stairway, maybe the help was doing the laundry. But, she wasn't there.

The four year old bit at her lower lip. Then she figured that Hauwa must be preparing to take her leave. It was almost seven and their mum would soon be home.

She ran to the guest room and knocked lightly on the door. No response. She knocked again and pushed the door open. 

That same moment, Hauwa came out of the bathroom, humming a song and dripping wet.

“Nonso and Dozie are fighting.”

She froze when she heard the girl's voice.

“Please come and stop them.”

“What are you doing in here?! Get out this minute!” The help throw a shoe at the girl.

Ada dodged the incoming object and ran out.

The girl returned to the sitting room and unfortunately, her brothers were still fighting. 

“I have a question.”

The twins ignored her.

“Do girls and boys have the same wee-wee?”

Her question got their attention. The twins stopped fighting. 

“What is she blabbing about?” Nonso eyed her.

“Beats me,” Dozie shook his head from side to side.

Ada settled on her favourite chair, very close to the television. “Do boys and girls have the same wee-wee?”

The twins stared at each other and started to laugh.

“Your sister is at it again,” Nonso laughed harder.

“She is also your sister,” Dozie sat on the floor and continued to laugh.

“Boys and girls have different reproductive organs, silly,” Nonso informed her.

The girl remained quiet. If their new help was indeed a girl, why does she have a boy's wee-wee?

CHRONICLES OF THE HELPS: PART 23

Lianater was impressed when Boma resumed at exactly 6:30 a.m the next morning. She bade her children farewell and made them promise to behave before leaving for work. Ike drove out minutes later. He was happy because his wife would no longer be too stressed up each day. The situation had greatly affected their sex life. Now, he was going to enjoy the wife of his youth as much as he wanted. Hopefully, the new help wouldn’t misbehave.

Boma was happy that his new boss bathed the children and got them dressed up before his arrival. All he needed to do was feed them, take Ify to the day care center within the estate and make sure that the twins and Ada were ready by the time their school bus arrived.

“What do you think about toast and chocolate tea?” he helped the children to sit on the high stools placed by the kitchen counter.

“Yummy!” the twins yelled and rubbed their tummies.

“Toast! Toast! Toast!” Ada screamed, joined in by her sister who was mumbling something incoherent.

He raised a hand, “Fine, fine. Toast it is.”

The new help found the toaster and everything he needed to make the sandwich. He made the chocolate tea first, served the children, before proceeding to make the toast bread. But for some weird reason, the machine refused to turn on. He checked the plug, the wiring, then opened the toaster. The bread slices were slightly warm. He frowned, closed the lid and switched it one again. This time around, it came on. He sighed in relief, but moments later, sparks flew!

“Fireworks!” the twins screamed in excitement.

“Colourful sparks!” Ada clapped her hands, while her younger sister watched in awe.

The confused young man acted quickly. He looked around for something made of wood and dry. He found the spatula and used it to disconnect the toaster plug from the socket. The sparks disappeared but smoke began to emit from the machine. His heart sank. This was his first day at work! What happened to the toaster? What did he do wrong? Maybe the last persont hat used it didn’t connect it properly. He wasn’t a novice. He had operator dozens of toasters in the past. But this particular one decided to humiliate him. What was he going to do now?

He feigned a smile and turned to the children. “Let’s give the toasting machine a break. It needs rest.”

The children stared back at him, smiling sheepishly.

He wished the children were not in the kitchen when the incident happened. They would surely tell their parents about it. What will Mrs. Briggs do? She might remove the cost of the toaster from his salary. Heavens no! He made a mental note to call one of his friends later in the day. The guy was a wizard when it came to electrical appliances. He could fix anything.

“I can also make toast with a fry pan, your sandwich will be ready in no time,” he mimicked a funny voice, in order to distract the children.

Once he was done, he served them and fed Ify, while the rest ate by themselves.

“Please don’t spill your beverage,” he eyed the twins. The way they were playing with their half-filled mugs, puddles of chocolate tea was spreading all over counter. It would be disastrous if it got on their school uniforms.

The twins giggled and whispered to themselves.

Unexpectedly, the honk of the children’s school bus rent the air. “Phew! It is time!”

“The school bus is here,” Nonso jumped down from the high stool, followed by his brother.

“Pick up your school bags and head out, I will bring your lunch packs.”

Ada climbed down from the stool and ran after her brothers.

“Give me a moment baby girl,” Boma winked at Ify. He hurriedly placed each child’s food warmer into their lunch bags. 

The honk of the bus echoed through the walls.

“We are coming!” the help yelled and ran out with the lunch bags. He found the twins and Ada running in circles outside the house. “Hey! Get inside the bus!”

The children obeyed and ran towards the opened gate.

“These are their lunch bags,” he placed the bags on the empty seat by the door. 

The bus driver gave him a stern look.

Boma eyed him and stepped away from the vehicle. He remained at the gate until the bus was out of site. “Three children gone, one more to go,” he backed into the compound and headed into the house.

The security guard shut the gate and returned to his seat.

It took him about fifteen minutes to finish up feeding Ify. He packed her lunch box and carried her out of the house. “Girl, you are heavy,” he made his way to the day care center and met other parents at the center’s gate.

“Ifunanya Briggs,” a woman waved at him.

Boma weaved his way through the crowd. “Here is her lunch box.”

The woman collected the child, along with her school bag and lunch box. “Please don’t be late. Once we close, come and pick her up.”

“Roger that, ma’am,” he tried to smile and exited. He started to think of everything he needed to get done that day. It was of upmost importance that he made a first good impression on that day. Nothing else must go wrong.

Xxxxxx

The ringing of his phone woke him up. Boma took a look at his wrist-watch and he cursed under his breath. It was already past one. How long has he been sleeping? He took a nap after breakfast and here he was, four hours later! He cursed again and got to his feet. He went into the kitchen, cleaned up the place then proceeded to other rooms in the house. 

The school bus returned at exactly two o’clock. Boma was barely done with the chores. He cursed again and ran outside. The security guard locked the gate the moment the children raced into the compound. The new help called one of the women he met at the day care center that morning and begged her to bring Ify over.

Once the children were indoors, he instructed them to take their bags to their rooms, while the help carried their lunch bags to the kitchen. Just as he was about making lunch, the doorbell rang. Boma wiped his wet hands with a napkin and headed out.

The doorbell rang again and again.

“Coming!” the new help yelled. He got to the door in three long steps and yanked it open. He sighed in relief when he saw Ify in the guard’s arms.

“One of the day care center staff brought her,” the Security guard handed the girl over.

“Great, thank you,” Boma collected her bags, used his leg to shut the door and headed up the stairs, to the room the todder shared with her sister.

He found Ada still in her uniform, jumping on the large bed.

“Madam, it is time to take your bath,” he eyed the girl.

Ada continued jumping. “What’s for lunch?”

Boma shrugged. He had the intention of stuffing the children with food, so they wouldn’t bother him for the rest of the day.

“Can I get pizza?” Ada moved closer to the new help.

“No, pizza,” he pointed towards the bathroom. “Get in there, now!”

“Fine, fine…” Ada climbed down from the bed.

Boma looked heavenwards. Fifteen minutes later, he ushered the girls down the stairway. “Wait for me in the kitchen, let me check on your brothers.”

The girls ran down the stairs, laughing and screaming for no just reason.

The new help placed both hands on his head the second he stepped into the twins’ room. The boys were lying on their beds, thankfully bathed and clothed, but, there were heaps of clothes at every corner of the room, toys scattered here and there and a mini pond flowing from the bathroom to only-God-knows-where. His day was turning into a nightmare per hour.

“You two! Get to the kitchen.”

The boys raised their heads and looked at him.

“It’s lunch time.”

“Hurrah!” they chorused, jumped down from the bed and ran out.

Boma took another look at the room, shook his head and shut the door. Maybe once he was done feeding the children, he will clean their rooms.

Back in the kitchen, he brought out everythign he needed to set up lunch. “What do you think of Semovita and Melon soup?” he looked from one child to the other.

“Yummy!” the children shouted.

“Beautiful…” Boma opened the microwave and placed a plate of soup inside. But the machine refused to come on. His brows creased in a frown. He flipped the switch again, but this time around, sparks flew. “What the hell?!” he jumped backwards.

“Fireworks!” the children yelled.

Boma watched in shock as smoke rose from the microwave. What was happeneing? He quickly brought out the plate of soup. “Let’s give the microwave time to rest,” he feigned a smile at the children. “I will use the gas cooker to warm the soup.”

The children ignored him and continued to watch the fading smoke coming out of the microwave.

The new help made the lunch quickly and served the children. His thoughts were centered around the toaster and the microwave. Those were two electronic appliances that refused to work that day. What was he going to do?

While the other children ate by themselves, he fed little Ify.

“Can we watch some TV programs once we are done?” Dozie asked.

Boma nodded. “As long as you three will share the remote without any arguments and fights.”

“Roger that,”Nonso saluted the new help.

“I am done!” Ada jumped down from the stool and ran out.

Her brothers watched her in surprise.

“The last person to finish his food is a rotten egg,” Nonso grinned and started to eat very fast.

Dozie swallowed the rest of his food and headed out. “You are the rotten egg!”

“No way!” Nonso emptied his plate and ran after his brother.

“I don’t want any noise or infighting!” Boma screamed after them.

About thirty minutes later, the new help loaded the washing machine under the stairway with dirty clothes. But, the moment he turned it on, it began to make weird noises. Soon, soapy foams flowed out of the machine and covered the whole area with water bubbles.

Boma switched off the machine and ran out of the house.

 

CHRONICLES OF THE HELPS: PART 22

"What is the meaning of this?!” Lianater screamed at the children.

The twins stopped running around. Noticing their mother’s anger, they settled in the nearest chair. Ada and one year old Ify sat on the tiled floor, amidst a heap of toys. Their gaze was fixed on their mother’s flushed face.

The woman felt like smacking each child. Maybe some senses will settle in their brains. That might do some good, but it would also result in endless non-stop crying till she ran mad.

“I have cleaned this room twice today!” hands akimbo. “Look at everywhere! This is not a pig’s sty for heaven’s sake!” her forhead began to throb.

The children remained quiet.

“Before I count one to ten, get all these toys back to where they belong!”

They scrabbled to their feet and collected as much toys as their hands could hold. Even little Ify participated, thinking they were playing a game.

“When you are done, put all the throw-pillows where it’s supposed to be…” from the corner of her eye, she sighted a puddle of water under the dining. Her dark brown eyes turned red. She took in long deep breaths and backed out of the sitting room. Once she was safe in the confines of the kitchen, she let out a shriek. “If they don’t kill me first, I will end up killing my own children,” she started to bang her head on the refrigerator.

Her wrist-watch came into view the moment she opened her eyes. It was a quarter past two. She needed to return to work. None of her colleagues knew she wasn’t in the permises. Their might assume she was in the storeroom or Audio Visual cubicle, gathering the resources they needed to air the evening news. She came home everyday in time to usher the children into the house once the school bus drops them off. Then she picks up Ifunanya at the daycare center with the estate. Once she was done with feeding them and doing a few chores, she returns to work the moment her mother arrives. Then return at seven to cater for four children and prepare dinner. And maybe continue with the house chores. The stress of it all was killing her.

Her mother has been coming around to look after the children for the past few weeks. If not, she doesn’t know how she would have coped. Maybe she would have broken down by now. Yet, she barely concentrates at work. Her mind was always wrapped up with all the things she hasn’t been able to do at home.

“I cannot go on like this. I just can’t…”

Against her better judgement, she had called the agency, asking for specifically a male help, who would come in the morning and leave in the evening. She was in no shape to deal with another female househelp just yet. Mrs. Shalewa promised to send in someone at the end of the week. But, she could hardly wait. She needed help now.

Suddenly, she felt like she was been watched. She turned her head slightly and saw Ada and Ifunanya standing by the doorway. “What?” 

“Are you talking to yourself?” Ada asked her mother.

The woman blinked several times. Was she? “Can I help you? Are you donepicking all your toys? That sitting room better be spick and span by the time I check it out.”

The girls shared a glance.

“Can I help you?” she stood straight and placed a hand on her hip. 

“Grandma is at the door,” Ada responded.

Relief washed over her. She threw a glance at the gas cooker and eyed the pot emitting steam. Lunch was almost ready. The sooner she got back to work, the better. “Tell Dozie or Nonso to open the front door for her.”

The girls remained where they were.

Lianater raised an eyebrow. “Why are you just standing there?”

“You haven’t answered my question,” Ada held her mother’s pissed gaze. 

The woman placed a hand on her throbbing forehead. “Lord Jesus help me…”

The girls exchanged glances.

“You are doing it again!” 

She closed her eyes. “Adanne, for the love of God, leave your mother in peace.”

The girl looked her up and down and led her sister out of the kitchen.

Lianater looked towards the ceiling. “She is just three years old!”

The ringtone of her smartphone filled the air. The woman dropped her head and grimaced. She hoped it wasn’t her boss that was calling.

Xxxxxx

“My name is Boma Pepper, I am twenty-two years and I can cook, clean, take of children and do almost everything.”

The couple sized up the average height, brown skin young man sent to them by the agency.

“I will resume by sixty-thirty in the morning and close by seven in the evening. I don’t work on Sundays…” he watched his new employers.

Lianater cleared her throat and crossed her legs.

“Mrs. Shalewa told me what you normally pay your employees, but I want double,” he held their surprised gazes.

She opened her mouth and turned to look at her husband who was trying hard not to laugh.

He straightened the collar of his tee-shirt. “And one more thing…”

She glanced back at her new male help.

“I work with the latest gadget. Any gadget you don’t have, you will have to buy.”

She eyed him. “Excuse me.”

Ike enveloped his wife’s hand with his. He could feel her building irritation. Her wide eyes seemed to say, ‘What effontery?’

“For example, madam, you ask me to roasted yam and pepper sauce for lunch…”

She thought of the last time she had roasted yam. The woman that used to stay by the junction close to her work place had moved. The woman’s pepper sauce was the talk of the town.

“Without an airfryer, you don’t expect me to start a fire at the back of your house. Where will I even get firewood from?” 

Ike nodded with understanding.

Boma looked from one to the other. “And I don’t do laundry with my hands. I need a washing machine to…”

“I have an airfryer and a washing machine and a host of other gadgets,” her voice sounded forced.

The young man smiled. “Good to know.”

She eyed him again. “I cannot double your pay.”

The smile disappeared. “Madam…”

She raised a hand. He stopped talking and swallowed the remains of his protest. “I will add something to the usual pay, if you are worth it by the end of this month.”

Boma grinned from ear to ear. “Okay, madam. I will be here at sixty-thirty on the dot tomorrow morning. Goodnight.”

“Okay then. Goodnight,” Ike responded.

The woman leaned against the chair and watched him leave.

Ike burst out laughing.

“Can you imagine?” she hissed thrice.

He pulled his wife closeer. “It is his confidence for me.”

She hissed again. “Do these people think that we pluck money from trees?”

Ike started to nibble at the nape of her neck. “I can actually pluck some honey from your delicious body…”

She tried to push him away. “What are you doing?”

“Plucking some honey…” 

“Leave me, biko,” she started to laugh. “We are discussing something important, you are here doing something else.”

“This is more important…” He closed the gap between them and sealed her lips with a passionate kiss.